It’s bean work.Tumblr (3.0; @spokoino)http://blog.spokoino.net/The Walking Dead: like an epic zombie movie but with 300% more OMG.http://blog.spokoino.net/post/62906988http://blog.spokoino.net/post/62906988Wed, 03 Dec 2008 17:14:50 -08007-Eleven’s sausage, egg, and cheese biscuits are not terrible.http://blog.spokoino.net/post/62906990http://blog.spokoino.net/post/62906990Wed, 03 Dec 2008 17:14:50 -0800The kitchen here loves to surprise you by stuffing whole garlic cloves into, well, pretty much anything.http://blog.spokoino.net/post/62688471http://blog.spokoino.net/post/62688471Tue, 02 Dec 2008 14:13:30 -0800The new Danielson “best-of” album Trying Hartz is freaking awesome.http://blog.spokoino.net/post/62595128http://blog.spokoino.net/post/62595128Tue, 02 Dec 2008 03:12:59 -0800<p>It’s been almost 18 months now since I came back from Bulgaria, feeling proud that I was able to stick it out. With that behind me, I think it’s time to take stock of what I took away from the whole Peace Corps experience.</p> <h3>Parting Gifts</h3> <p>I left Bulgaria testing at an Intermediate-High level for Bulgarian language mastery. That’s not quite as high as I would have liked to have scored, but then I probably wasn’t the most diligent student. Even if I lose a little bit of it every day, it was rewarding to find that I’m capable of learning a foreign language to a functional degree (two years of college Spanish courses had convinced me otherwise).</p> <p>More generally, living abroad for so long, enduring, even during those days when I felt stupid for making the effort, imparted a sense of… well, if I never really had the big revelation I was waiting for, at least I learned I can tolerate any level of discomfort short of physical torture for almost unlimited amounts of time.</p> <p>My life in Bulgaria is something I’ll be able to talk about for years. Already I’m that guy who brings it up three times in any given conversation, but what can I do? I spent two years of my life over there, and they’re not years I want to swallow and shut up about. I’ll err on the side of being annoying, thanks.</p> <p>I saw things I admired. You either grew your own food, or you lived within walking distance of a place that had some. Gasoline was something you used on special occasions, and cities were set up with that in mind. Sure, people complained. Many families were working their asses off growing their own food just to pay the water bill. Still, there was the sense that, for the most part, everybody was in it together. I’m no anthropologist, and I don’t want to overgeneralize, so all I’ll say is that our society, greater size, military might and living standard not withstanding, seems a few degrees colder by comparison.</p> <h3>Booby Prizes and Small Victories</h3> <p>Peace Corps is not what they advertise. It’s a tough job, yes, but not for the reasons you’d expect, especially in eastern Europe. In Bulgaria, you’re not living in a leaky hut, rubbing two sticks together to make a fire (I had a shed full of coal and a Fanta bottle full of gasoline for that). You’re not worried about contracting malaria or some other obscure disease (OK, there was the bird flu scare, but the 24-hour news channels had people here more wound up than those living a few hundred miles from actual dead birds).</p> <p>The biggest challenges a volunteer faces are 90% mental, and I say that having lived in something that resembled a broom closet in a bat-infested midget hotel for over a year. The darkness and the crouching I could take. Much more difficult to endure was the isolation of always being the outsider, fenced in by the language barrier and my seeming inability to find peers with which to associate. Flashbang extroverts who are able to spark up quick friendships (which I am not) are at a distinct advantage in that kind of environment. Me? Well, I think I picked up a few phobias from all the alone time spent playing Nethack. I’m now prone to panic attacks when walking down busy streets, or meeting new people.</p> <p>Then, there’s the creeping sense of futility. My first time in the classroom, I was a novelty. The kids were well-behaved, and I walked away thinking, “I can do this.” By the time round two rolled around, the posse of Americans in town was old news, and the students walked all over us. I went home in a cold sweat.</p> <p>I think this is a deflowering that a lot of aid workers (or just volunteers in general) go through. Just because you’re doing something at great personal cost, don’t expect everyone to drop to their knees in praise. And don’t expect to change lives. On the contrary, when faced with relative community indifference to your presence and a lack of any festering problems seeking a solution only a slightly-trained American can provide, the question inevitably pops into your head: “Why the hell am I here?”</p> <p>So, I had to come to peace with the fact that I was essentially a prop. My function was to serve as a goodwill gesture between two countries, and as a magic key for the distribution of small grants. I didn’t build a school, but I think I helped to improve the one that existed. Even if those improvements turn out to be of dubious value in the long run, the process of getting them done felt like a victory. I didn’t turn any students into masters of the English language, but I motivated a few brave ones to write and perform a play. That’s a victory, too.</p> <p>I think the biggest favor any of us did was to just show up for the job without acting like a total asshole. Like I said before, we were props, meant to stand there as a counterpoint to the ubiquitous Americana pouring into their radios and televisions. I was not Chandler, Ross, George Bush, or 50 Cent. I was different, and that was enough to make a point.</p> <h3>Fear and Loathing</h3> <p>Every weekend I don’t call my host family back, I kick myself. I need to bite the bullet and dial that number, but I’m afraid my language skills have deteriorated to the point where I won’t be able to hold a conversation, that those people I got to know so well will misunderstand something I’m trying to say through a bad connection and my broken grammar. I’m scared that I won’t understand a word they’re saying, and that they’ll be lost to me forever as the language barrier reasserts itself. Oh, the guilt trip I’ve earned! I hope everyone is OK. I hope they’re still at the number I’ve still got written down. I kick myself.</p> <p>But that’s that for now… just some thoughts about how those memories are shaping themselves into the long-term sort. I’ve been pretty reluctant to post longer blog entries for awhile now, sticking to Twitter. Anyway, I’ll get into this later, but for better or worse, my whole life plan seems to be on shaky ground at the moment. That said, I’m resolving this week to pick up writing again (and reading). Whether or not that translates into blog entries remains to be seen, but it’ll be nice to be putting down words again.</p> <p>Stay tuned, and play safe.</p>http://blog.spokoino.net/post/62589338http://blog.spokoino.net/post/62589338Tue, 02 Dec 2008 02:14:00 -0800<a href="http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/picturegalleries/worldnews/3538914/Venice-under-five-feet-of-water-as-the-city-suffers-its-worst-floods-in-22-years.html">Venice under five feet of water as the city suffers its worst floods in 22 years - Telegraph</a>http://blog.spokoino.net/post/62509795http://blog.spokoino.net/post/62509795Mon, 01 Dec 2008 16:11:02 -0800i do enjoy some late night mcdonald’shttp://blog.spokoino.net/post/62116667http://blog.spokoino.net/post/62116667Sat, 29 Nov 2008 05:08:32 -0800Now that’s a sale: <a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/bestsellers/dmusic/1252438011">http://www.amazon.com/gp/bestsellers/dmusic/1252438011</a>http://blog.spokoino.net/post/61957992http://blog.spokoino.net/post/61957992Fri, 28 Nov 2008 02:08:15 -0800hunting for work totally suckshttp://blog.spokoino.net/post/61542714http://blog.spokoino.net/post/61542714Tue, 25 Nov 2008 12:06:32 -0800Totally awesome: <a href="http://tinyurl.com/5ao5a5">http://tinyurl.com/5ao5a5</a>http://blog.spokoino.net/post/61517320http://blog.spokoino.net/post/61517320Tue, 25 Nov 2008 09:06:27 -0800That’s a long almost-four minutes: <a href="http://www.crowdfire.net/media/view/d718de8b1b3d9510">http://www.crowdfire.net/media/view/d718de8b1b3d9510</a>http://blog.spokoino.net/post/61398551http://blog.spokoino.net/post/61398551Mon, 24 Nov 2008 17:05:41 -0800<a href="http://facets.rubyforge.org/">Ruby Facets</a>http://blog.spokoino.net/post/61389167http://blog.spokoino.net/post/61389167Mon, 24 Nov 2008 15:59:27 -0800<a href="http://www.pcworld.com/article/150970/upgrade_your_xbox_360s_hard_drive_on_the_cheap.html">Upgrade Your Xbox 360's Hard Drive on the Cheap - PC World</a>: hddss.bin 120 Xbox 360http://blog.spokoino.net/post/61389168http://blog.spokoino.net/post/61389168Mon, 24 Nov 2008 15:59:27 -0800<a href="http://norms.com/Lessons.html">Norms Music Instrument Store – Strings</a>http://blog.spokoino.net/post/61115426http://blog.spokoino.net/post/61115426Sat, 22 Nov 2008 20:56:56 -0800<a href="http://www.youcanplayguitar.com/Index.htm">You Can Play Guitar</a>http://blog.spokoino.net/post/61115427http://blog.spokoino.net/post/61115427Sat, 22 Nov 2008 20:56:56 -0800<a href="http://www.rubyinside.com/rails-22-released-27-links-and-resources-to-get-you-going-1354.html">Rails 2.2 Released - 27 Links and Resources To Get You Going</a>http://blog.spokoino.net/post/61115428http://blog.spokoino.net/post/61115428Sat, 22 Nov 2008 20:56:56 -0800<a href="http://github.com/binarylogic/authlogic/tree/master">binarylogic's authlogic at master — GitHub</a>http://blog.spokoino.net/post/61115429http://blog.spokoino.net/post/61115429Sat, 22 Nov 2008 20:56:56 -0800<img src="http://media.tumblr.com/aZQNU3m5Xgmbd96zwt01CFAYo1_250.jpg"/><br/><br/><b>My MINI Cooper S:</b> It’s now “done” since the chrome bonnet scoop arrived.http://blog.spokoino.net/post/61074022http://blog.spokoino.net/post/61074022Sat, 22 Nov 2008 13:24:28 -0800<img src="http://media.tumblr.com/aZQNU3m5Xgmbd6yjvoG5bGjJo1_250.jpg"/><br/><br/><b>My MINI Cooper S:</b> It’s now “done” since the chrome bonnet scoop arrived.http://blog.spokoino.net/post/61074015http://blog.spokoino.net/post/61074015Sat, 22 Nov 2008 13:24:25 -0800<img src="http://media.tumblr.com/aZQNU3m5Xgmbd5977NsQRECso1_250.jpg"/><br/><br/><b>My MINI Cooper S:</b> It’s now “done” since the chrome bonnet scoop arrived.http://blog.spokoino.net/post/61074010http://blog.spokoino.net/post/61074010Sat, 22 Nov 2008 13:24:24 -0800